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  • Conor Peterson

NCAA First Team All-Name

Updated: Mar 23, 2021

With two weeks until Selection Sunday everyone in the college basketball world; whether it be bracketologists, analysts, gamblers, or fans looking ahead to make their brackets, is making lists based on some stat like tempo, AP Poll Ranking, strength of schedule, or wins. I’m also one of those people, compiling a list of teams I think are true championship contenders based on statistics that are yet to be determined for all the gamblers out there. While I do that, I give you the Men's College Basketball First Team All-Name.

Sincere Carry- Duquesne

This might be the kid who was most destined to be a college basketball player. His parents must have been fortune tellers. It has to be a hell of a time to be a Duquesne play by play guy when he gets called for a carry.

Kobe Elvis- DePaul

This might be the coolest name of all time. Not just college basketball, but in life. His parents were either huge basketball fans when they got pregnant or this is an awesome nickname. RIP Kobe Bean Bryant, my personal favorite NBA player. Also having the last name Elvis is just as cool.

Rocket Watts- Michigan State

Rocket might be the coolest nickname a person could have. His nickname is that much more intriguing when you learn his birth name is Mark. Mark to Rocket... huge upgrade.

Thailand Elder- Lousiana Tech

Dude sounds like he’s a character from Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings. The story behind his first name has something to do with growing up a military brat, living in military bases all around the world. He was named Thailand because his dad’s favorite base was in Thailand.

Phlandrous Fleming Jr.- Charleston Southern

The CSU guard is obviously cracking this list because of his one of a kind name, but he also dropped a 30 ball earlier this week. Not to mention that they made me lots of money at the beginning of this season fading them.

Sixth Man: Remy Martin- Arizona State

If this man goes to the league his agent better have Rémy Martin Cognac on the phone immediately. It would be the perfect partnership.

Honorable Mentions:

Seventh Woods- South Carolina

He’s an old name since it feels like he’s been in college for like 8 years now. The only reason he’s an honorable mention is because he dunked on one of my high school teammates when in middle school.

Supreme Cook-Fairfield

Shoutout my alma mater since this is probably the most recognition their men’s basketball team will get all season. This kid better be cheffin it up in the Dolan Apartments when he's not cheffin it up on the basketball court. He should link up with Geo Baker from Rutgers & open a restaurant.

Jadakiss Wright- South Carolina State

If you’re from New York or you know the rap game you’ll understand why this is an honorable mention. Nothing more needs to be said.

Makur Maker- Howard

His parents must have gotten lazy on this one, only changing one letter from his last name. Or, Makur means something significant to them or in their culture & I now sound like an ass.

Kofi Cockburn- Illinois

He's a star so most already know the name, so that's why he's here in the Honorable Mentions. Regardless, man what a name to take with you to college. One can only imagine how many jokes he has to deal with on a daily basis.

Sixth Man: Ayo Dosunmu- Illinois

I'm just thinking about how every time someone yells "ayo" to get someone's attention; he probably always thinks they are talking to him. Absolutely tragic but dope name nonetheless.

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